A Tear of Happiness by Dasha Korol

Antonio was sitting on the front porch

with a bottle of whiskey and an old worn letter in hand. Five minutes ago he came from a failed disco of his best friend, where he could not pick up any of those girls that he liked. "You are such a loser," Antonio thought suddenly to himself. He was sitting completely drunk, not understanding what exactly was happening to him that day. After a couple of minutes of such a "useless" pastime, he suddenly remembered that today was THAT day. The very day his mother died ten years ago after three agonizing months of struggling with a serious illness. Antonio got to his feet abruptly and walked inside of the house to find the only thing that would remind him of his mother. It was the only letter, but how memorable it was.

After having rummaged in three drawers with clothes of an old shabby wardrobe, he nevertheless found an old envelope with a seal and a characteristic stamp, which could only be found in Spain. Antonio opened the envelope as carefully as possible, opened the piece of paper and read:

«I can’t believe you are already a senior and ready to graduate. It seems like yesterday I was a senior finding out that I was also going to soon be a mother. I remember being really scared but loving you immediately. Despite having a rough year we graduated, together. One week later you were born and a week after that I became an adult. We’ve done a lot of growing up together. Our road hasn’t always been the easiest and I carry a lot of guilt for that. You deserved the world and instead, you got me.

This year has been especially hard. And, I wanted your senior year to be extra special but I’ve had to ask you to be a secondary parent to your sisters. I’m sorry that you’ve had to grow up and take on adult responsibilities before even getting to walk across the stage, the rite of passage into adulthood. This pandemic has made it worse because now you won’t even get to do that.

I do hope you know how proud of you I am and how thankful I am to be your mother. You have grown from the chubby baby with the Winnie the Pooh laugh to a young man not afraid to chase his dreams. There are so many things that I hope you move on to experience and I will always support and love you, no matter what. This year may not have turned out the way either of us had planned for you but know that you have an entire life ahead of you waiting to be lived once this is all over. I hope you live it freely, happily and with as much adventure and love as possible. 

There is no limit to what you can do as long as you do it with heart. No matter where you go, I will always be home.

I love you bubby, Madre»

Having read the letter completely, Antonio continued looking at one point on the paper, not noticing what was happening around him. He stood as if he got frozen from either fear or surprise. For a minute he seemed to stop breathing and blinking. Perhaps, it happened for real. Tears began to appear in his eyes on his wrinkled face, on which traces of good drunkenness were visible after that night. Suddenly, he could no longer hold back the flow of tears, and one drop abruptly rolled down the guy's cheek. "Well, that’s fine. Even though you are a man, but this is still a letter from your mom ...", Antonio said quietly to himself with a kind of pain in his eyes, as if he was calming himself. He never considered himself a mother's son, but she was always the best companion and friend for him. Even when she is not with him, in a physical body, he always feels her - her presence and help in all matters. In the case of a warm relationship between Antonio and his mother, the Jewish proverb «A mother understands what a child does not say was more than ever useful. Mom always liked to repeat this phrase, sentencing it when Antonio did not want to share his feelings and fears with her. But, in fact, Antonio simply did not want this burden of unnecessary information, some kind of mental pain, to be transferred to the shoulders of his tender, always worried mother. However, in turn, she always just waited for her son to share with her his inner demons, who were gnawing at him from the inside.