the last day of my existence.
I just want to say that I`m so sorry. I`m sorry for all that I did to you or Rachel or… didn`t want to hurt anybody. I’m innocent, everybody used me. Since childhood my fucking father never underestimated me, beat and mocked me. He always wanted me to be like him: responsible, serious and hypocritical. “You are Nathan Prescott, and Prescotts don`t cry”. “Prescott means to press all these scot”. “You`re not my son; you`re just a disgrace to our family”. I hate him with all my body and soul. He is the main person who destroyed my life. He is the main reason why I die today. He must be punished; I will take revenge on him, spoil the reputation of his whole family by my death and confession in what I have done.
I always showed the state of my soul in a photo. I liked to photograph the dead animals, because they were the personification of calm and silence. I performed all my works in inanimate black and white filters. Later, having entered the Academy of Arts, I found my mentor, Mr. Jefferson, whom I idolized. His works inspired me, I wanted to inherit them. He managed to replace my father. Day after day he was teaching me everything he knows. “You’re me best student, Nathan. Soon, very soon you will be ready to learn my most important lesson”. One day he took me to his darkroom. I was shocked when I saw my bound girlfriend lying on a cold concrete field in the middle of a large spacious photo studio. “She is your first job. All you need is a syringe with the necessary dose of the drug and your camera”. Without realizing it, I pumped my girlfriend with a strong drug and started photographing her. Her body was supple and her eyes looked down into emptiness. She was completely under my control. Rachel was my perfect fashion model. Unfortunately, I was too carried away by the process and did not follow the dosage. I killed her. I actually killed my Rachel. I didn`t want that. I loved her so much. Omg, I`m so sorry. So sorry…
Now I am lying on a cold floor, I do not know if it is more painful: physical or moral pain. I’m hurt; I want to cry like a girl, hugging her knees. Inside, everything is falling apart; it seemed such strong walls fall like a house of cards. And the cold, it’s as if it’s not from the floor, it’s like my heart is pierced by thousands of ice needles. I begin to cough, almost choking on my own blood. I'm so weak, is it really like that? Sharply cold is replaced by heat, and now it is not blood, but real lava flowing through my veins. Eyes veiled white veil. And with all my strength I begin to hit the floor, the cold tile, as if it were her fault. Tears flow from the eyes of a traitor, as if the remains of those needles that had melted in growing rage. It`s pain, terrible pain. The whole body aches, terrible.
And I want only one thing – to be in peace and quiet, like dead animals in my photos.
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