I closed my eyes to pretend
that I did not exist and imagined that this was only my nightmare. Like in childhood when you played hide-and-seek, putting palms on eyes and tightly press them to your face so that the light does not get inside. No movement, but the whole body was uncontrollable and shaking. In spite of my attempts not to make an extra sound, my heavy short frequent breathing sounded like an entire orchestra. I heard his steps. Closer and closer. The step as a sharp knife, as a tick of a bomb. It made me crazy. Holy crazy. My own heartbeat was heard in my ears. Feeling his presence made my lips trembling and ready to yell, but mind stopped that desire again and again. Cornered hare, the victim is ready to be caught. On the fly. Adrenaline hit in the head and thoughts rushed in search of a way out. “Where and how to escape. Is there a chance to stay alive?”- as the sound of the alarm flared in the mind. I already knew this will be my last night, but life inside my resisted and fought to survive inside my being. The source of life never give up, it never makes concessions to death, despite the cost it pays. Better it was to stop than tore me apart.
When he looked in my eyes before wrapping his arms around my neck, I saw emptiness, lifeless. Maybe that is why till the last breath he was looking and looking how life leaves my body. He was long dead.
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