and I feel that I’m floating somewhere away. This bright fairy blue is capturing everything on its way. It seems that the haze has a tiny mystery inside and I desire to find it out. It doesn’t matter that my life is leaving me and I’m not mad at my murderer anymore.
Jenny was my baby from the very first sight. We met a year ago at a modern art exhibition, where everyone was admired by the pictures except for us. Hatred of modernism united us more than any of love-potions. She had red hair at that time, but mostly I was excited by her behaviour. Jenny was real, she wasn’t afraid of saying her opinion loudly and it made everybody pay attention only to her. I’m sure that all the visitors weren’t able to take their eyes off her not because of her words, but her energy and passion that she put in each phrase. I was extremely shy to go and get acquaintance with that charming girl and I just stared at her weirdly.
As she told me after, she had become anxious with it and wanted to end my tortures. And Jenny came to me easily without any fear or panic on her face and said:
- Do I have something on my face? — asked she furiously
- No, — answered I with a trembling voice, - No, you don’t, — I tried to summon up my courage and continued, — I just wanted to tell you that I don’t like it either.
- What? My face? — said she and smiled in a while
- Haha, yeah. No, I mean no, sorry
- Nice - and her eyebrows lifted up
- Sorry again, so what’s your name?
- And you start like this?— her lips become thinner and eyes bigger, - But okay, Jenny
- Fred, I’m Fred. Lovely to meet you, Jenny.
Surprisingly, she asked me for a second meeting. I couldn’t believe it and I agreed without any thinking.
We started to date and it was like a fairy tale in real life. I cared about her more than even about myself. I cooked breakfast when she had to weak up early for work and always met her late at night.
In three month I began to notice some quirks in her behaviour. She was asking me all the time when I was going and with whom. And any of my answers didn’t satisfy her. Then I saw how she was searching for something on my phone. I thought it was kind of normal as she needed more time to trust.
- Dear, and where are you now? - Jenny’s voice gets higher.
- To the gym as always, I go to the gym on Fridays, don’t you remember?
- I do, just asked, why are you always screaming at me? — and she burst out in tears, I tried to comfort her, but she only screamed: “Go away!”.
I remember how I thought that it was just long and exhausting day for her. What a fool I’ve been! All the suspicious or explainable fights only got worse. It felt like whatever I said and did, I played with a firebomb.
Several times she claimed that she would leave me, and all these times I desired it more than ever. We couldn’t be together, as it was ruining us, but we couldn’t be separated, as it was unbearable. And it continued for more freezing months.
I realized that you can tell a lot about relationships by how couples hold their hands. Some of them do it gently like they hold a tiny kitty and try not to hurt it by accident. They stroke their palms and look up to each other. These relationships are full respect and admiration, what I can’t tell about ours. Jenny grabs my hand all the time, and when another girl passes by, my love squeezes my arm and peers at my face whether I look at that poor girl or not. Once she even left some bruises on my arm. As always, I persuaded myself that it was just her mad feelings to me.
Today in the morning my bird came to me and said:
-I understand it’s not what we’ve expected, but I know how to make it better, how to start it over again. Dear, we have to. We have to let them go, all those fights and suspicious, all my sleepless nights and our cold kissings.
I looked at her eyes, and they were clear, but the words didn’t make any sense to me.
- What do you mean by letting them go?
- You see, here again, you don’t hear me at all. We’ll do it together, I know what, just believe me for the last time.
- And what are we going to do?
- You must trust me after all, I’m sure about what’s better. I had a dream this night, I felt such a relief. We just need to do a small detail, a tiny thing.
So she continued leaving all my questions without any answer. Surprisingly for myself, I came with her.
We were standing near a Gothic church and warm light was sucking out of it. In this church, we wanted to get married one day and dreamed about going there with our children on Sundays. I saw a flesh of something cold and glossy in her eyes and then blood flew out of my chest.
And now I know what’s the mystery the haze has. It envelops, protecting and soothes everything on its way, but it never hurts anybody.
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