Him by Kristina Kostenko

When I first met Rigel, I thought

he was the coldest person I had ever seen. He never smiled, never talked much. He had sharp eyes that looked through people. Everyone in the orphanage was afraid of him. Some even hated him. They said he was the headmistress’s favourite, and it was true. She never punished him. She even let him skip cleaning duties. And she was cruel to the rest of us, especially to me.

I came to the orphanage when I was five. My parents died in a car accident, and I had no one. I waited for years, hoping someone would adopt me. But nobody came. The headmistress was strict and heartless. Her words hurt more than slaps. If you cried, she shouted. If you disobeyed, she made you clean the toilets or eat alone. She broke children’s hearts. And Rigel? He just watched from the corner. I hated him for that. I thought he enjoyed it. He never defended anyone. He looked like he didn’t care at all.

When I turned 17, something unexpected happened. A family came and said they wanted to adopt both me and Rigel. I was shocked. We were so different. I didn’t even like him. But they insisted. They said we had to try.

At first, I avoided him. I didn’t trust him. He always made me feel uncomfortable. I thought he judged me, or worse, enjoyed my suffering. But slowly, things started to change.

One night, I had a nightmare and woke up crying. I thought I was alone. But I saw a light in the hall. Rigel was sitting there, outside my door, just sitting. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask questions. He just stayed.

And I started to remember. When I was about nine, I dropped my fork in the dining room. The headmistress was walking toward me. She had this expression on her face. I knew she wanted to punish me.But suddenly, Rigel stood up and broke a glass plate. It cut his hand. Blood was everywhere. The headmistress ran to him and forgot about me. At the time, I thought he did it just for attention. But now… maybe it was something else.

I also remembered the butterfly necklace I had when I came to the orphanage. It was from my mother. The headmistress said personal things weren’t allowed. She asked Rigel to take it from me. He grabbed it off my neck. I cried all night. I hated him for it. However, last week… he gave it back.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want her to throw it away. I thought… maybe one day I could return it.”

That’s when I understood. He wasn’t cruel. He was scared, like all of us. But he found his own way to survive. Perhaps being close to the headmistress protected him. Maybe it was the only way he could protect me.

He never stopped watching over me. I just didn’t see it. Yesterday, he finally said, “I’ve always cared about you, Nika. I just didn’t know how to show it.” Now I don’t see him as cold. I see him as brave. And maybe, just could be I love him too.