The Last Day by Yelizaveta Tretiak

My mom’s words have never felt so sharp before.

“You know, the thing between her and John cannot continue.” Her voice is quiet and for some reason full of pain. I am sure that nobody noticed me so I quietly slid to my room.

John was already there, sitting lazily and casually reading a book. I never got bored of being with him. His dark hair, brown eyes and soft look captivated me from the very beginning of our relationship.

I sat next to him and he instinctively hugged me. I waited for a minute to say something which has bothered me after I overheard my mom’s remark.

“They don’t want us to be together”.

His smile faded but his arms still were hugging me very tight and I felt safe.

“You know that they cannot do anything to separate us, right? No matter what they try to do, no matter for how long they will be opposing our relationship.”

I knew it all before he said, but it still made me feel much better. I looked him in the eyes. He was softly smiling again and looking directly at me. I didn’t have to say anything for him to understand my feelings.

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember is that I was in the bed alone. John must have gone somewhere, but I knew that he wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

I stood up and went to find him, but instead I saw my mom in the living room.

“How are you feeling, darling?”

Her voice sounded warm and soft. It was difficult to accept that she didn’t want me and John being together. Honestly, I have no idea why she finds my relationship a problem.

“I am fine. Did John already go home?”

Her little smile immediately started fading and her voice started crackling, even though it seemed like she didn’t want to show her sadness.

“Honey, you forgot again.”

For the first seconds I stood frozen and had no idea what she was talking about.

But then I recall it all.

That frosty morning. Me and John had to go to the college to take final exam. It was very slippery outside but we still decided to drive a car.

Everything was fine, until we reached a bridge. We almost made it, but at the last moment the car veered off the road. Next thing I recall is how I try to make John open his eyes again, and he is not responding. His lips are blue and his hands are freezing. His dark hair is covered with a snow and it feels completely wrong - he had always hated the white color.

The car crash, John’s death. Now I understand that I have been forgetting it all pretty often and God knows how much time has actually passed since then.

“It’s an emotional defense” the doctors said.I am collapsing on the ground and start sobbing. Next second I feel mom’s hugs and I know that she is crying too. “Shhh”

And in that moment, I don’t know what is worse, forgetting it all and still thinking that he is alive or moving on and accepting that he is gone forever.