I, me and myself

by Anastasiy Mikitiuk

This morning I woke up as usual. I felt cheerfulness and energy from top to toe. Today is the very important day for me – I’m going to pass my last exam and finish my studying. I had been waiting for this moment for years.  4 years ago I chose the wrong specialization and now I’m feeling happiness in every cell of my body.
To tell the truth I don’t feel confidence in my successful result of this exam. Honestly, I don’t care.  I’m just ready to start my new life, actually. With these thoughts I came to my university, but my dean said I have 2 hours in addition: “You can check yourself, read some materials, you know” – he smiled, - “Is it your last exam?” I nodded and smiled too. “Good, good. Good luck!”- he crossed two fingers and grinned. I was sitting near his office thinking about my 2 hours. I went out of the building determined to spend this time by drinking coffee. I came to my favorite coffee house, which is situated near main university building and sat near the window. Everybody knows I’m a constant guest of this place that’s why in 3 minutes waitress gave me a cup of latte, friendly smiled, said: “Nice to see you again”, turned on heels and ran away to keep on doing her duties. I like this place because of its quietness and nice service.
While I was dreaming about my celebration in the evening suddenly my attention attracted a small girl sitting next to me. She was nearly 10-11 years old and without any parent around. I kept on following her. I realized she had been sitting here alone for a long time. Waitress came to her, asked something and then brought her a big cup of cocoa. The girl clasped her hands, sniffed the steam which was rising from the hot mug, pulled out of her little bag a straw, looked around and put the straw in the glass. She tried to taste but the cocoa was too hot for the first tasty sip. She wrinkled her tiny nose, licked her lips and leaned back on chair. I’ve already forgotten about my coffee and exam, my attention was totally focused on that girl. Despite the fact she was sitting I could image her height - she was pretty high for a girl. “She is probably first in line during the physical training” – I thought, – “Just like I was at her age”. The girl had on black trousers, red cotton blouse and dark-blue jacket. Her light-brown bushy hair was gathered in one big disheveled tuft.  She folded her hands on table like as though she is having a lesson examining everything around. I looked attentively at her face and understood similar lineaments to me: deep big eyes, small nose, sharp cheekbones, and unconfined smile. Each minute I looked at her proved a fact – she is my reflection of childhood. I could recognize her every move, emotion in myself. Then I turned my head to the window but I didn’t see what is behind. I just saw myself on the glass. The same eyes, nose, cheekbones. But am I still the same inside? I remembered those school years when I was a good obedient girl with my own world inside. Obsessed with drawing and dreaming I didn’t need a lot of friends and attention. I created my world every day, believed in fairy tales and good endings. I was sincere with my emotions and feelings, thus I didn’t care about someone’s thoughts about me. What’s about now? This thought scared me. Am I still that naïve sincere girl with her own inner world?
My coffee got cold. I looked back at place the girl was sitting but she has disappeared. “Where is the girl? She has been sitting over there for a long time…” – I asked the waitress but she looked at me and said slowly: “Sorry, but that place is empty for the last two hours”.