Nuclear dust and nuclear wind,
destructing radiation and it powerful minions that it creates, such a combination changed humanity in a way nothing else could.
First of all, it had to be the end of mankind. Even though all our advanced technology and preparations the war was more than anyone could expected, more that it should be expected. It destroyed all progress we made, all civilization we built, all humanity in our bodies. But nothing can stop those things from their reborn. And nuclear apocalypse is not an exception.
I was born in already ruined world. This world was cruel and mad when I had opened my eyes. But from all I could understand in ten years of my life I was happy not to be born at least thirty years ago. Way back there it was true wasteland, with cruel mad raiders all over the New California and a lot of more dangerous mutated beasts that no one knew how to deal with it was real hell. In my time there at least was some sane people trying to create new society and new country. They know how to deal with raiders and mutants. But still...
By the time I was thirty I lived through a lot of shit. My mother was killed by my father and my father was killed by me in my fourteens birthday. Till sixteen a had killed a dozen of man and a lot more of some wasteland creatures. Twenty-two and I was considered a professional mercer that are willing to take any job for a decent payment. And in twenty-seven I can swear I had killed more man than a small army could kill for year. And now I’m standing here in a dumpster with murderers, whores and liars that they call a Goodneighbour. This place could be considered by its name only by psychopaths.
I learn a long time ago that first place you need to go in new town is a bar. And I was wright, because a second, I got there I already had my first job in this place from a local bartender. Simple wet job with a couple of mobster’s deaths, nothing unusual for me. Just like five more jobs I found in this junkyard that they call the Three Rail bar.
So, after a couple of shots I decided to go and take a nap after a long journey I had when I hear the voice of an angel that was coming from a mouth of a goddess. I just fall from reality for three minutes until she finished her song and then after a second of looking at her I just felt broken. And in fact, I was really broken.
You know, I had a lot of women before, but my interest to them was only physical. But now, I understood that all my life was been broken and crashed down till o saw her. She was a spectacular, beautiful, amazing, terribly attractive, horribly wonderful and just looking so good that I there is no word or phrase that could describe it. I cannot say that I fell in love with her, because it would be too little to describe all feelings I had experienced to her at that time. And I just lost myself.
I didn`t had any goal in my entire life. No lifetime dream, no cause for any of my action except simple based survival. But I felt no such emptiness never before. It was like I was walking around without half of me all the time and find it out just no. And I had to do something until this split of myself had me killed. So, I stood straight, cleared my mind and walked right to her. Walked right to her table, opened my mouth, and found myself standing with open mouth and saying nothing. I couldn`t speak anything as I was some schoolboy in middle school trying to say something to high school star. And thanks to my reflexes I wasn`t been noticed and left the bar quickly. Quickly and with a great hole inside.
Now I really don`t know why I’m doing this. I decided to change myself, and my old egghead friend, no I shouldn`t call him that way he is a scientist and a great one, is helping me with this one. I decided to become more experienced in ways of speech and try to retire from my mercenary life. In the end it happened that a scientist and factually, a nerd is better then me in love and speech, who would believe?
After all my changes I noticed that with me the world around is changing too. Some people are really trying to change this wasteland, and the others are just trying change themselves. Earlier I noticed only cruelty and pain around and now I see that it was only because of me, because of my actions and behavior.
And now I’m writing this to improve my writing skills and skill of storytelling. Hope it is working out because tomorrow I will walk straight into that bar, straight to her table and tell her my feelings. I don`t care what will happened because now I’m starting to fill in that missing gap in myself by my actions because kindness also was in that part. Anyway, wish me luck, hope it will all work out.
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