near the front door with nurse Denver was Mary Hickens. This dark-haired, not very tall lady was wearing mustard classical slim pants and a light-blue blouse with floral print. Looking at her, you probably won`t think she`s gone through hell. The only wrinkles on her tanned smiling face were the small ones around her tired eyes, which were finally glowing in bliss. Those eyes experienced so many tears. Mary barely could believe she`d deserved peace and happiness after everything what happened to her. Standing in this hall and seeing these children was like a dream. If so, Mary asked God never to wake up.
As soon as Beatrice came up the woman smiled and sat down to say hi. The kid answered with a charming smile and Mary`s heart speeded up the beat. The woman had been waiting for this moment during months of paperwork and seeing different psychotherapists, who had been asking her the same questions over and over again to confirm her mental health and emotional stability: “Have you got any hint of desire to do it again?” or “Do you truly feel this step will help you to overcome your lost?” Relatives and friends were glad the Hickens decided to adopt a child, but they also worried if this adoption could cause a new Mary`s breakdown. They couldn`t forget the awful day when Peter Hickens, having returned earlier from work, found his poor wife unconsciousness in the bathroom. Mary was all in blood and a baby blanket with an embroidered “Jenny” name on it she was holding in her cold hands was partly soaked in the maroon thick fluid. This sin will always be on Mary`s conscience, no matter how hard she is trying to erase it from memory. The scars on her wrists will always remind of her weakness, although she has learned how to live with all that.
Till that awful day Peter Hickens didn`t want to accept his wife`s madness, despite its symptoms were obvious. After their awful tragedy, Mary lost her sleep. She often woke up in the middle of the nights and started desperately seeking for her dead daughter, swearing that she was crying somewhere in the house. During a meal Mary could ask her husband if he had fed Jenny or not. Lately, Peter proposed to get rid of everything that could remind of their common lost, but Mary lashed out and didn`t let him do it. She became aggressive and withdrawn, she was spending most of the time sitting in the baby`s room without moving. The next three months after Jenny`s death became a total nightmare. Mary couldn`t believe she had found the powers to finally wake up.
Peter was broken. He was taking care of four-year old Thomas by his own. Even the fact that the Hickens had another child didn`t help Mary save her sanity. She didn`t even want to see her own son, she avoided him, because his cry, laugh and even smell reminded her of Jenny. The mother kept out of her child.
After the suicide attempt, Peter couldn`t help noticing Mary`s obvious illness anymore. He set her in the Mental Hospital in hope she would get better soon. And within a year she truly did. Her mental health had noticeable improved; despite she had known about her inability to have children anymore. Constant strong stresses did the trick.
Since several months after the discharge, Mary expressed the desire to adopt a child. Although she started taking care of Thomas again and loved him much, she felt intuitively, somewhere deep in her soul, that the emptiness, left by her two-months daughter`s death, could truly fulfill only a new child. Peter supported his wife`s wish, despite he didn`t understand it. He was ready to do anything just to see Mary being happy.
Mary timidly touched Beatrice`s hand, looking at her eyes as if asking permission. The girl didn`t mind it. This woman had soft, warm hands, brassy voice and kind eyes. Bea liked it. Mary remembered seeing this kid for the first time. She clearly remembered the bright sun on that day. Among all the other fussy children, who were running and screaming all over the backyard and hall, Mary felt something pacifying about Beatrice. She saw her in the classroom all alone. The kid was drawing something and moving her lips as if in some inaudible song. The sun was covering Beatrice from the right as if softly hugging her. Mary understood she had to live for that child, give her all the love she wasn`t able to give Jenny. She didn`t think it was unfair to Thomas, her beloved son. Usually, mothers didn`t split the love for their children. However, Mary keenly felt the need for helping this little girl, as long as she wasn`t able to help her own one.
That day Beatrice left the orphanage with Mary. This woman represented a dream come true for any girl in St. Marianna Home. However, the honor to be elected went to Bea: tiny five-year old girl with tawny hair and abusive freckles all over the nose. Most of the other girls saw her off with offended, angry or envious glances. They didn`t understand why Mary had chosen that weird and weak girl, but not them. They even couldn`t imagine what this weak girl was capable of. Bea in turn couldn`t imagine either and she was just the happiest girl in the whole world, despite she started feeling herself to be like crystal. Having a family was the most amazing thing she could ever dream of and she felt like any wrong movement of hers from now could destroy everything.
To be fair, Mary felt exactly the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment