by the lake all covered in mud, all my body was aching and it was freezing but I didn’t care. I couldn’t hear the buzzing anymore. That annoying sound was gone and that was all I could care about.
It all began in October. Well, actually in October I realized something was wrong. It was the first day of snow (it was early this year) and all streets were covered with thin white layer. It looked beautiful and all I could think of when I was going to bed is how I wish it will be still snowing tomorrow. I laid my head on the pillow and then… The buzzing began. It was the noise the mosquitos make. I could hear it fly closer and then fly away. I could never catch it in the dark so I had to turn on the light. Of course, it was gone. But once I’ve put my head down the pillow again I could hear it buzz. I was struggling all summer because of this little creatures. I couldn’t sleep so I had to put earplugs just to stop that noise. But how’s that mosquito alive in October? Well, I didn’t want to think about it. Should’ve put mosquito nets on my windows years ago. I’ve got my earplugs, put them into my ears and laid down again, burrowed under the blanket and finally I’ve heard nothing.In that sweet silence I fell asleep.
Suddenly I was awake. It was 4 in the morning. And the thing that woke me up was.... Buzzing! Again! How’s that possible, did my earplugs fall off? No, they’re here, I can feel them in my ears. I took a pen from my bedside table and dropped it. I’ve heard nothing. I took my phone and turned on the music. Nothing. I’ve took one earplug off and could hear the music loud and clear but as I’ve put one back the only thing I could hear was “bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”. And then I was terrified. How is that I hear mosquito in my head? Is it inside? God, that’s disgusting. I should visit the doctor as soon as I can. So I did first thing in the morning. I’ve gone to otolaryngologist, she could see how frightened I was. She inspected my ears carefully and I could see she was worried but she didn’t find a thing. Then I’ve decided to make the x-ray to make sure the mosquito is not inside of me. It also showed nothing. Then my therapist said I should try to take sedatives because probably I was under a lot of stress lately and that could cause hallucinations. She gave me the pills but I’ve thrown them away as soon as I went out of the hospital. I was sure it was not a hallucination. I could hear it all the time I was at the hospital. And what was the worst - I could hear it louder and louder each hour. It was pretty loud now.
When I’ve got home I felt pengs of remorse for throwing out the pills. Well, who knows what games can human brain play. So I’ve decided to take the day off and just have a rest. So with the buzzing in my head I’ve tried to fall asleep. I’ve managed to sleep for 10 minutes each time the noise was more quiet (as if the mosquito was flying away). But still it wasn’t fine at all. So I’ve decided to ignore the sound until i decide on my further actions (the plan that has always worked for me).
So a couple of days passed. I felt and looked terribly. There were three or four of them in my head now. I could hear them very loud now. Sometimes the buzzing was louder than people’s voices. I couldn’t sleep normally and lately I couldn’t even take that 10 minutes breaks as I always could hear at least one thin voice going “bzzzzsssszzz”. I couldn’t talk to anyone anymore, I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. I haven’t looked at the mirror since it all began. I couldn’t get my fingers out of my ears so probably people who have seen me found me repulsive. I wasn’t functioning like I used to, I was totally wrecked. And when I got home last night I couldn’t bear it anymore. I burst into tears. And I’ve called mom. I didn’t hear her voice from more than a year. I couldn’t hear it now also. I had to shout at my mom because of the noise, I couldn’t hear myself. I’ve told her I need to see her. I’ve ran out of my house and caught a taxi. I was crying on the back sit of the car. And then.. I’ve heard the fifth voice. And that’s all I could hear now. The music that was playing in the car was gone, now it was only buzzing. It was too loud, I couldn’t take it anymore. Not even a minute more. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I’ve opened the door and got out. I’ve hit the ground and felt the pain but I didn’t care. The car stopped, the driver tried to help me but I ran away. I was running for 10 minutes trying to get away from the “BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”. No result, it was always with me and inside of me. I’ve got to the local lake. I didn’t think for a second when I’ve seen the stick lying in the garbage. I’ve shoved it into my ear. I’ve felt the pain and it was too strong to bear. I’ve passed out.
I don’t know how much time passed, but when I woke up...No buzzing. Finally. No sounds at all.
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