Did it Hurt When You Fell From Heaven, Lucifer? by Myron Matuzenko

It didn’t hurt when Lucifer fell from heaven.

It felt like flying. “When I’m falling – I’m at peace” – he thought, as his body was moving across the eternal space that separated God’s home from something that was below. His eyes were closed. Lucifer didn’t know what it was down there precisely. Rather, he didn’t care. He felt too calm to pay any attention to the destination of his flight. Poor thing, one could say. He should have known what would wait for him below.

        But at this very moment, he just let go. Lucifer spread his arms like wings. He had a pair of those once, whilst still serving the Creator. They were gone now. In his mind, however, he could still fly. He could be as free as a bird – though birds aren’t truly free at all. “I am the free one now!” – he thought to himself – “Because I am the only one who dared to be free. The only creation to rebel. And in that rebellion, I’ve found freedom!”

Cold gusts of wind kissed his face. He screamed: “I am free! Look at me, you poor unfortunate souls! Slaves of your despotic creator!” – he spread his arms even wider – “Nothing under his thumb! Look at me and know – I am the face of freedom!”

         Lucifer opened his scarlet eyes. He wanted to see those creatures of misery. He wanted to savour the look on their sorrowful faces as he flew. He wanted to pity them. “They should look at me!” – Lucifer thought – “At my marble angel body, and how gracefully it falls!”. His eyes wondered. He was trying to see them.

 It was challenging to differentiate any object, however. The angel was falling as fast as a comet. The “morning star” became a shooting star. All that he could see was shades of light coming from above. Below him, he saw nothing.

         “How cruel of Him” – Lucifer thought about God – “At least give those poor things that you rule the right to see what you do with those who disobey you! They should see me in all my glory!”

          And glorious he was in his fall. Pure, pale skin across the sky – they would have been mesmerized by him. He flew like a falcon. His body was as strong and potent. He resembled a lion or a great rock – each muscle is perfectly shaped, each movement swift yet dangerous. And the eyes, of course. They should have seen those scarlet eyes on his white face, like two drops of blood on a snowy field. They would have adored him. All the beings created would have loved his beauty, for there was no angel to match him. All those “miserable” things would hail him as their new king. Lucifer knew that they’d bow down in awe, fear, or temptation. They would certainly bow to him. All millions or trillions of them. All under their new leader – supreme and sublime.

         No one saw him, however. He was falling alone. No eyes were open as Lucifer was cast down into the darkness. Except his own, red and frantic.

         The earth was getting closer. The angel saw the dark ground that would soon greet him. “It can not hurt me,” – he reassured himself – “I am the morning star! I’m a celestial immortal being! This fall will do no harm”. A shadow of doubt fell upon him, however. God wouldn’t just throw him out of the heavens. There must be a catch. There must be some sort of trick that he played. Lucifer deemed the Creator subtle and ruthless. “Maybe he took my immortality away? Did he make me vulnerable? Perhaps my body would break into pieces when I meet the earth?” – he asked himself. The ground was approaching. Now Lucifer could see it clearly. It seemed dark and endless. It resembled a black tomb.

“No!” – Lucifer whispered to himself – “God cannot hurt me. I opposed him once, and I will oppose him again”.

The speed of the wind had increased. The angel closed his eyes. His body clenched, preparing to meet the earth. Those last seconds of the fall seemed to drag on forever. It felt like Lucifer stopped in time. Everything around him froze. Nothing happened.

After some time, he finally built up the courage to open his eyes. His pupils dilated, leaving no room for the red iris. He gasped. He saw his muscular marble arm lying on the ground. The fingers were relaxed. Was it torn away from his body during the collision? No. He was intact. Every part of the body was still here. “I feared the fall so much I must have missed it!” – Lucifer thought and smiled – “I knew the fall would never harm me! This petty God could never harm me!”. Lucifer laughed like a child. He was proud. A survivor of God’s damnation, he felt like a winner. “The Creator might have cast me down, but he has not broken my spirit! Or my body! He has not broken me!" – Lucifer guffawed.

His triumph was short-lived, however. Suddenly, he heard a smell – a feeling he had never experienced before. It was odd. A strange scent crawled into his nostrils, whilst he could do nothing about it. At first, it was the smell of the air. It was cold and fresh. Then came the smell of the earth. It was rich. Notes of grass could be heard. The petrichor also seemed cold, drained even. It wasn’t a lively ground – it was deprived of light. Rot could be felt in the smell. Third came the most horrible smell of all. The rot became intense. Now mold and dust started to pierce through the air. Lucifer tried to close his nose, but it wasn’t helping. Soon, a trail of waste was added to the deadly mixture. The smell of excrement and blood followed, completing this hellish perfume.

The odor was horrible. It felt like dirt and night soil. It was suffocating. Lucifer gasped trying to turn away from the smell, but he couldn’t.

He started to run from it. He couldn’t catch a breath. The air was polluted with the smell. It was infected everywhere. No place was clean – wherever Lucifer went, the foul odour followed.

He fell on his knees again. “So is this the punishment?” – he screamed, looking up – “Is that what you wanted to do to me? Is that how you treat your creation?”

No answer was heard.

        “Is this my penalty, God?” – Lucifer screamed again, raising his hands to the pitch-black sky – “Is this all you’ve got? You, Lord almighty?”

Lucifer chuckled.

“You are a fool if you think this will break me!” – he roared – “You and the rest of your worthless creations! Fools! You hear me? Fools!!!”

No answer followed. Lucifer sat there. The smell didn’t go away.

“So, this… Is this what you do now, God? Is this my punishment for revolting against your tyranny? Is this how you mean to hurt me?”

There was no answer still. It seemed like God didn’t do anything at all. There was nothing above – just pitch-dark skies, with no trace of paradise that Lucifer once knew.”

Lucifer hugged himself. He was starting to feel cold - he had been brought down to the lowest depth of the Pit. He couldn’t fly any more now that his wings were gone. His fall was his flight.

Though the fall was over now. Now, Lucifer found himself on the ground, surrounded by nothing but darkness and a terrible smell. “It has been present for some time now...” – Lucifer thought – “Why would it smell so badly here?”

Suddenly, his memory awoke. He remembered how there was no smell in paradise. Or perhaps he felt none then. None of the angels did. Lucifer saw the image in his mind. It was vivid and alive – the halls of God, filled with light and warmth to the bream. There, everything was golden and glittering. Many colours shone bright there – thousands of them. No darkness was seen.

Lucifer remembered his wings. They were dazzling! Each feather resembled a rainbow or a gemstone. They were big and mighty, larger than the wings of others. They were as beautiful as the angel was.

Yet now, he was not beautiful any more. He found himself at the bottom of the earth, inhaling the worst smell imaginable and reliving his memories of paradise. “That is ridiculous!” – he thought to himself – “Here I am, trapped within this scent of dirt and rot, thinking about heaven! That is so stupid! I reject heaven! I reject God and his glowing bling he calls paradise! I revolt against it!”

Suddenly, Lucifer realized. His fall didn’t break him. It didn’t even hurt. Of course, it wouldn’t – God was subtle and ruthless after all. “This is my punishment!” – Lucifer thought – “To sit here in darkness and misery, surrounded by the foulest odour, and long for days of heaven”.

A freezing gust of wind swept through the Pit. Lucifer hugged himself tighter. Tears started to appear from his scarlet eyes. They began to slip from his face.

“I will revolt again.” – he whispered while crying – “I will climb back there and rebel against this cruel Creator! I will stand up!”

He saw his tears fall. They were graceful in their flight, shining with different colours. They were transparent and yet so lively. They glowed like precious stones.

As they began to hit the ground, the glow was fading. They splashed sloppily and left stains on the cold black ground. They were not beautiful any more. They only fell - none of them stood up.