“Hey! Are you even listening?”
Miki suddenly remembers that he is at a work meeting right now. He feels embarrassed for dozing off not even fifteen minutes into the discussion. The guy covers his eyes from the coworkers.“Uh, I apologize for that. Could you please repeat that?”
His boss, Martha, tries to surpass her sign of disappointment. She fails. “As I was saving, our revenue from the last month’s sales has decreased significantly. We need to think of some countermeasures. If we leave things as they are, the company’s stability may be in danger.”
“Ohh, I know! Maybe more up-to-date advertising could do the trick!” his always enthusiastic and energetic coworker Mike says. “If we integrate the modern culture into our promotion campaign, we might turn things around!”
“That is a viable option,” Martha replies. She thinks for a minute and then turns to Miki. “What do you think”
“Uhh…” the boy starts the sentence but fails to collect his thoughts. God, how pathetic he looks right now. He is a total disgrace to this company’s name.
Eventually, he gives up on contributing to the discussion. Miki lowers his head in shame.
Martha apparently also decided to give up on him, as she continues. “If we want to change our ways of advertisement, we need to come up with a solid strategy and-”
“Whoa! What’s up with your face, dude?” Mike not-so-subtly whispers to him. Their boss notices that and signs again. “You look like you’ve been to a funeral.”
Ah.
“Well…” Miki says solemnly. “You’re kind of right about that.”
The room falls silent. Mike looks completely horrified as he backs away. “Oh… I’m very sorry. I didn’t know about that.”
Martha coughs. “So, that is the reason for your behavior today. I apologize if my question is too private, but when was that?”
“This morning.”
“Then it’s no wonder you can’t concentrate,” Martha says. The worry in her eyes is evident. “You should’ve told me you had a proper reason to leave. You know our company has a special policy about the importance of mental health.”
Miki chuckles quietly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Then, you may leave the meeting now. Take care of yourself properly,” the woman says. “We want our employees to be as well as possible. That is our company’s formula of success, after all.”
-
Miki doesn’t want to go back to the dorm. However, the guy has nowhere else to go right now. At work, he is a burden, and he is out of pocket money to hang out somewhere in the city. Well, it’s not like he’s up to it anyway.
It’s cold outside. So cold that Miki can see the steam of his breath in the air.
The sigh that he is still alive. But is he?
It had been autumn just recently, so how could it be so cold already? He remembers the golden leaves, the pine cones scattered everywhere, the-
“I really, really love autumn! It’s so calm and refined. Have you ever noticed how leaves sometimes shine with golden light? And pine cones! I would love to go to a pine forest one day!”
Augh. The memories come back again. Miki grunts as he tries to shake them off. Breaking down on the street would destroy his reputation immediately.
Is it really a good idea to go back? The dorm is like home to him, but home has been painful to handle recently.
It’s too late to change plans, so Miki enters the dorm. He greets the security guard, who looks ready to ask him questions. Before he does that, Miki swiftly goes to the elevator.
-
“knock-knock”
“Come in!”
Miki enters a well-decorated room. He is greeted with the very familiar sight of two twin sisters. One of them, Masha, holds a guitar in her hands. It seems like she is mentally
“It’s you, Miki! I’m so glad to see you!” Mond hugs him tightly. She looks like she has been crying recently.
“Yeah, yeah,” Miki mutters. He is happy to see them too, but he is unable to express it with his emotions. “I’m here to return the hair dye I borrowed from you last week. Sorry for the delay.”
“Oh, it’s okay!” Mond takes the rectangular box from his hand. After a very awkward pause, she asks the inevitable question. “How are you holding up?”
Miki lies. “Better than yesterday.”
“I’m relieved to hear that,” Masha reacts from the other end of the room. That’s the first words Miki heard her utter since they found the body.
Mond struggles to keep the smile on her face. “As for us... Ugh. I wish I could say something positive, but I can’t.”
All of them stay silent for a solid minute.
“It’s just…. How?” Masha shouts with a shaky voice. “How in the world did this happen? This is definitely a nightmare, or a parallel universe, because how-”
“Masha, please. Don’t escalate,” Mond says. “You’re making things harder for Miki.”
“We will need to talk about this eventually! She is – was our friend! I can’t just let it go like that.”
“We will talk about this, just not now.” Mond looks Miki straight in the eyes. It is unnerving. “When you are ready, let us know. It’s much easier to grieve together.”
“Uh, sure,” Miki replies, uncomfortable. “I have to go.”
-
“Have you ever noticed how gorgeous our campus is?” Phoebe asks him in his memories. “I’m so glad they decided to plant all those trees here. It just looks alive, you know?”
“Well, if you can call dying leaves alive, then sure,” Miki remembers himself answering.
“Aww, don’t be such a party pooper!” Phoebe pouts. “Even if they die, they are still reborn in spring, right?”
“I suppose so. But, still, they are not quite the same anymore.”
Phoebe looks somewhere in the distance. “I would like to think that everything can be reborn. That nothing can truly disappear forever. It’s kind of like recycling bottles. You give a new life to already used items. I wish everything in the world were like this.”
-
Looking back at it, everything makes perfect sense.
Miki holds his head in his hands as he tries to suppress the tears. The memories overcome his brain and get stuck on a repeat there. Every piece of the puzzle that was unclear to him is now in its place.
Her fake smile. Her optimism. Her philosophical conversation.
How could he be so blind?
Miki has been completely emotionless until this very moment. When three of them found lifeless Phoebe lying on her bed. When they noticed that the pill jar next to her was completely empty. When the coffin was lowered, when everyone around him wailed.
Miki was completely detached. Blank. Hollow.
But now he has reached his breaking point. The guy cannot control the feelings of agony, of loneliness, of…
Of regret. Of guilt.
Phoebe is the person who taught him how to feel emotions. How to feel empathy. From their connection, Miki has learned how to love.
And, now, she is gone. Phoebe is dead. Buried underground.
She was suffering so badly, that she could not live with that. And Miki was completely oblivious to it all.
If he had noticed the mask she was hiding behind, he could have prevented it. Miki could be by the girl’s side, telling her that she is enough. That she does not need to disappear. That there are other ways to end her pain.
If only Miki had let her know.
Tears roll down from his face. How stupid and ignorant he was. Because of him, Phoebe died thinking she had no one to confide in.
And it’s all Miki’s fault.
No comments:
Post a Comment