Forgotten, Unforgettable by Anhelina Ishchenko

Brain is a mysterious place.

You can forget what you ate for breakfast, but you won’t be able to clear your mind from that one day in fifth grade when you fell into the puddle in front of your classmates.

You may think that it is logical for us to remember things that cause a great emotional response. But what if the memory affects you too much? What if it gets to the point when you cannot distinguish it from reality?

I didn’t believe it was possible till one day when my mind decided that it was time to bring back one of the most terrifying episodes of my life.

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Ruby is so keen on playing this “Look up in the sky, it’s a bird or a plane” game!

Yes, it was my idea to teach her. Back then, I thought it was such a witty way to distract her. At that point, I was ready to do anything to stop her from watching yet another episode of “Paw Patrol”.

But now…

“Mummy! Mummy! Look up! Look! This cloud is like a piglet with a huuuge snout”, she points her little finger to the sky. A mischievous look appears on Ruby’s face before she continues, “It looks just like my classmate Danny! Mummy, look! It’s Danny as a piglet”

…I regret it.

The fact that Danny’s mom sits on one of the benches nearby is not helping at all. Luckily, the boy himself is too busy playing on the playground with his friends.

“Ruby, it is rude. You shouldn’t bring your friends down like this. Do you remember what the real point of this game is?”

“Yeah…we need to find clouds that look like animals or objects…and the funnier, the better!”, she said apologetically, “But he really looks like a piglet! I’m just being honest!”

Ruby’s dark red hair clips bounce back and forth, as she shakes her head in displeasure. The more she thinks about the situation the more furrowed her brows become. Now she starts puffing up her cheeks. Aaand the last stage, crosses her arms in front of the chest.

“I wasn’t wrong…and I won...”, she mumbles.

Sometimes kids are too difficult to handle…

“Ruby, I didn’t tell you to lie. But, saying bad things about other people’s appearance is not funny. If Danny had heard you, he would be really upset. You cannot win this round”

Okay, cheeks are still cutely pouted, but the expression little by little becomes more relaxed. Ruby seems to be deep in thought.

I lay down on our picnic blanket. The sky today is of that beautiful light blue colour. The one you can see only on a summer day. The dark green leaves of the trees are shaking slightly, giving in to the wind streams. The tops of the trees frame the sky. It looks as if they are the guardians that choose which clouds can go into our field of vision.

I hear some commotion near me but choose not to pay any attention to it. When you spend so much time with a little kid, you quickly learn how to filter out all the noise. I thought to myself that Ruby, being tired of our game, decided to join her friends on the playground.

Oblivious to the things that happened around me, lulled by the rustle of the leaves and the hum of the wind, I fell asleep.

I woke up to the deafening sound of lighting that struck the sky.

It no longer looks inviting. Right now, it is dark grey. The clouds look heavy. It seems they are ready to fall to the ground at any given moment. Even the sharp branches of surrounding trees won’t be able to stop the fall.

The air starts getting progressively colder, raising goosebumps across my arms and back.

My first thought is to find Ruby. Her favourite red summer dress is too light for such weather. She can catch a cold.

After collecting our things, I head to the playground. I see Danny and his mom getting ready to leave, but Ruby is nowhere to be found. I swallow down the lump in my throat that starts to form.

Don’t be ridiculous, she is here somewhere. There is no need to get so worked up over nothing.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Evans. Have you seen my Ruby? Do you know where she went?”

She looks at me unamused. I guess she overheard our conversation…

“I think she left about half an hour ago”, answers the woman indifferently,

“Alone?! Why haven’t you stopped her?”, I hear the notes of panic in my voice.

“I am not her mom. You should look better after your child”, after torturing me for another moment, she adds, “Ruby left with her father”

This confession makes me feel even worse. My husband is on a business trip, there is no way it was him.

Mrs. Evans and Danny left. I am alone and don’t know what to do.

Should I go look for her myself, or should I go to the police station?!

My knees grow weak. All I want to do right now is to cry myself to sleep and find out that it was one of my nightmares. It cannot be the reality. It couldn’t have happened to me, to us!

I scolded her during our last conversation…

I should have been more patient…

I…

Stop! You need to go find her!

But, I cannot make even a step. The vision gets blurry, it is so cold, I cannot feel my…

---

“Mummy! Mummy! You woke up. You shouldn’t be in bed. It is lunchtime already!”

It is my Ruby. Thanks, God, it was just a nightmare. An oddly realistic nightmare.

I hug my daughter tightly.

“I am so happy to see you! Ruby, you know that mummy loves you, right?”

“Mummy, I can’t breathe. Let me go!” she giggles and tries to get out of the warm embrace.

---

Several years later

It is the last day of summer. Ruby spent most of her holidays with granny, but today she returns home.

Last night, she made me promise to go on a picnic to our favourite park.

My husband went to pick her up.

Meanwhile, I was preparing sandwiches and snacks for our walk.

I hear the car approaching and then:

“Mummy, look! Granny bought me a new summer dress. I love it so much”

“What a lovely…”, I started saying, but couldn’t finish the sentence.

Suddenly, it became so hot and hard to breathe.

This red dress, I have seen it somewhere…

Then I remember the light blue sky, the dark red hair clips that are a perfect match to the lovely summer dress. The clouds are dancing above us. Ruby is smiling. The next second, she disappears. Everything goes dark. I lost my girl…again?

It seems to me that I can hear some voices, but sounds seem to be going from somewhere miles away.

“Father, come here quickly…Mummy is so pale. I am scared…”

Quick footsteps

“Are you okay? Should I call the doctor?”

I can hear the question, but I cannot bring myself to answer.

I almost lost my daughter.

After all, it was not a nightmare.