I didn’t Mean to Hurt his Feelings...by Daria Kudenko

I did not mean to hurt his feelings.
Too many mistakes were made, too many feelings were felt in vain. This time, I did not yield to common sense, because I would have to pay for it too much later.
He was so nice to me. So courteously courted. He gave bouquets and gifts. And said how beautiful I am. He took me to restaurants and etc. What a pity that I felt only this, not him. What a pity that I did not manage to give to understand to him that for me all this is not important.
Probably, it all began from the beginning of our first meeting. To be more precise, it did not a beginning. Seeing him, I did not feel anything. Earlier, I immediately told myself: "if you do not feel anything inside, do not give him a chance." But one day my mother asked me: "why are you so cold-blooded to those who like you?" But suppose your feelings will wake up? Give the guys a chance. " And then I decided to listen to her.
When we met for the second time, I said to myself so often: "Please, find the strength to feel smth in yourself, stop living in the past! Stop put yourself in a boundaries. Please forget your past and start living without all this shit, because it kills you " . I really tried, I even thought that everything worked out. But I could not last long. For so many things, I closed my eyes, thereby trying to discern in him something intimate, something special. But instead I noticed with what pride of himself he talks, trying to create a good impression. Instead, I noticed his bestial gaze when he looked at my bare shoulders on summer evenings. He used the books as a prop under the table leg, when it was unsteady, and cover the holes in the wall with canvases. Maybe for someone it's trifles. But not for me. I was frightened. Not for yourself, but for the fact that people can be so empty. It is very regrettable that they realize it too late.
You do not need to be cute with me, you need to be yourself. I do not need expensive bouquets and gifts - I would be happy with a single wildflower in my hair. You do not need to say how beautiful I am, you need to be able to give me understand it by your eyes. That would be enough. But not many people can talk by their eyes. Very sorry. But only eyes keep attraction, which can blind them with sincerity and warmth. After all, even eyes will never hide the truth and all that is going on inside a person.
He did not have this. He had empty eyes.
I know what touched his feelings and I'm very bitter about it. Because I do not want to hurt anyone. I could not trust to him. I could not cross myself and my stupid principles, canons, identify as you want. Because heart wants what it wants.
I tried, Mom. Sorry.