For as long as I can remember anxiety was a part of my life. My parents always expected me to succeed in anything I did. It started from school… I had to do well at every subject. I had to win every competition, every important or insignificant contest. I had to be the best. Then there was university and that crippling pressure got even worse. No matter what I did or how hard I worked I was never good enough, never smart enough. I was never enough. All the time there was something I wasn’t accomplishing or improving. This constant burden to achieve goals I didn’t even strive for was killing me. And I think I lost my voice … I lost myself…
People say that if you can’t see the issue there is no issue. As if pain only exists when you’re bleeding. But sometimes the most painful demons are the ones that you can’t even see, the ones that are buried inside your consciousness. My anxiety feels like fire that is unexplainably hot and burning. It feels like every single cell in my body is moving faster than sixty seconds that are in a minute. There constantly is a buzzing noise in my ears. And because of that repetitive sound I cannot hear my heartbeat. It’s like living through every emotion at ones. It feels like I’m about to faint or drown. And it feels like this will never end. It feels like forever…
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