One-of-a-kind Experience by Vera Baklanova

He doesn’t procrastinate solving
his problems. It’s just, the thought about it never crosses his mind. He can go weeks without eating a proper meal, munching on cereal to tide him over until the occasional late night fast food binge. He wouldn’t know the utility bill if you showed him one, he’s never done his taxes and he’s never even seen his credit record! He makes promises without any intention of keeping them and then just ‘can’t remember it’. In general, he forgets things the moment he finishes the conversation about them.
The only time he’s ever tried using a washing machine resulted in all his shirts turning bright yellow from that one ‘funky’ pair of jeans.
What can one say? Marriage is a blessing for him and a nightmare for his wife. She’s done with this ‘experience’ before it even begins. A cruise. Free of charge. Paired up with a complete stranger. To test your communication skills. To ‘let go of the comfort zone’. How could she ever agree to that? And of all the people in the world, why did she end up with him?! His voice is unbearable, his breath smells of those ghastly doritos from the mini-bar (why do they keep restocking it?!). He’s too loud, he can’t keep his mouth shut for a minute. To top it all off, he apparently didn’t quite grasp the concept of sarcasm when they taught it in Lit-1!
She could always try transfering rooms, but she doesn’t see the point. They're all idiots here, every single one of those rooms is packed with dumb people. Only an absolute dimwit would agree to a “100% free of charge, it’s-your-lucky-dayget-on-a-ship-and-go-swim-around-some-trash-islands -in-lukewarm-ocean-water, powered by global warming and the self-devouring snake of late capitalism”.
She’s certain that by the time the voyage is over she wouldn’t have a dime to her name and her flat is going to perish in a terrible fire. But the planet is dying and she’s already dead inside, so who cares?
She takes a sip of the orange soda her roommate can’t seem to get enough of and finally succumbs to listening about the time he lost his hamster and how that experience has taught him so much about humans he’s basically this generation’s Tony Robbins. A truly one-of-a-kind experience.