Pretend by Marylinn S. Grimm

Giggling, I slipped into the room and quickly slammed the door shut.

Somewhere downstairs, on the first floor, Linda was calling for Bailey. Where he had vanished to this time, I had no clue, but just in case, I decided to stay out of my sister's sight as well. Evening bath time was serious business.

Smoothing down the hem of my yellow dress, I took a running leap onto the bed. The mattress springs tossed me high into the air; with a wild cackle, I bounced like that a couple of times, then rolled off onto the floor, dragging the blanket down with me. My footprints were now clearly visible on it – I had left my shoes on purpose, just to spite Linda. Wrapping myself in my sister's sheets, I marched to the full-length mirror and twirled in front of it. Not bad. But something was missing. On the small nightstand, I spotted some colorful jars, bottles, and tubes – oh, that was it. Some of the makeup had been a gift to Linda from Mom for the last birthday with us. After she left, my sister kept me far away from her blush and perfume – claiming that at seven years old, it was way too early to wear makeup. Pff, well, we'll see about that.

By the time Linda flung the door open, my arms, legs, and cheeks were already сovered in the contents of one of the pearlescent dark-blue jars. Seeing the look on her face, I couldn't help but burst into laughter; then, defiantly, I uncorked her favorite lipstick and smeared it across my lips.

"Oh, Lord, Bailey," my sister said, her voice heavy with exhaustion.

"Did you find him?" I inquired. Linda moved toward me, but I quickly ducked out of her reach and bounced back onto the bed. "I'm not taking a bath, I'm not taking a bath!"

"Bailey, please," my sister caught the edge of my dress. "Enough. Stop this, quit fooling around."

"I am NOT Bailey!" I cried out, laughing. Linda pinned me down firmly, wiping my smudged face with her handkerchief. "Why do I have to take the fall for him? Find Bailey and let him go take a bath, because I WON'T!"

"BAILEY, ENOUGH!" Linda snapped. I fell silent; tears welled up in my eyes.

"Why are you screaming at me? Where is Bailey?" She tried to pull the dress off me, but I started kicking and scratching. "NO! Let me go! I don't want to, I don't want to!!!"

"Look in the mirror, you dummy," my sister hissed, forcing my face toward it. I squeezed my eyes shut on purpose. "Look, and tell me what you see."

I peeked with one eye.

"Hi, Jill," I waved at my reflection and stuck out my tongue.

"No, buddy. You are not her. Jill died six months ago, before Mom left Dad."

"No, no, don't say that!!!" Ignoring my protesting whimpers, Linda dragged me toward the bathroom. "Let go, LET GO! I'M JILL, I'M NOT BAILEY, LET ME GO!!!"

"Good God, just shut up already. I've had it up to here with your antics. I can't run this house on my own, you know, especially not when you put on these shows for me every single day!"

I sniffled, casting my eyes down at the floor. Linda forcefully stripped off my stained dress; underneath it, I noticed scraped, reddened knees. Yesterday morning, Bailey had scraped his knees while playing in the garden. I saw it, I remember how he cried. But that was him, not me..

"Look," Linda wiped my lips with a wet towel. Then, she lifted me higher so I could look into the mirror above the sink. I stared at the reflection. Surprisingly, it wasn't mine – short brown hair, grey eyes, a scratch on the right cheek...

"See?"

"No, NO!" I burst into tears and buried my face in Linda's shoulder. "Where is Bailey? I'm not Bailey, I'm Jill... Make Bailey come here..."

"Please, buddy, stop," my sister gently stroked my head. Waiting until I caught my breath and snuffled back the snot, she looked into my eyes. "Jill is gone, do you understand? She... we cannot bring her back. No matter how much we want to."

"You only say that because Mom didn't love you! She loved me! She loved us! And then, when I... when Jill... we... I..." my voice broke into sobbing again. I got tangled in my words and clung to my sister with thin fingers like a lifeline.

"Please, little guy. Don't cry. We can get through this," Linda whispered into my ear. "I'm right here with you. And as long as it's just the two of us, everything will be fine. But, promise me one thing... Don't pretend to be your little sister anymore, okay? It's not right for a big boy like you."

I turned my gaze back to the mirror. Bailey's eyes stared back at me from the reflection, and I couldn't understand why I didn't see myself there.

"So, is it a deal?"

I gave a loud sniffle and nodded.

"Okay."