Consolation by Maria Kuzmenko

We met in the church where I was looking for consolation.
He offered me to enroll at the reception to him, promised that he could help.
He left his business card. I thought it was very strange and I found out what person he were. Therapist with excellent references, even had  works a consultant BBC. Obviously, if such a person thinks that I needed help it is really necessary to me.
So I went to the reception. I told him what bothered me. A lot of foster families who refused to me every time. The constant change of workplace. My past. Fire. That I watched the burning of our house. That the parents did not come out, even when the burned roof collapsed down. How I played near the fireplace, burning paper planes and blowing them in flight. That they did not want to fly, but only left behind a black trace in the air.
He said that I need to stay in the hospital. I did not understand why. I just found a new job. Just get insurance for the case when I decided to burn off fallen leaves. My life began to improve. Again.
And he told me that I need protection. He often repeated it. I was already beginning to annoy. Yes, I got sick off.
He often stayed late at work, and remained to sleep on the couch. People often needed his help in the hospital. Not me. I did not need protection. I can cope with my life. I decided to show it to him. I wrote him a letter and brought to give it. But he was asleep. I did not want to wake him up, so
I decided to wait until he wakes up. I spent time reading his boring books about neuroscience, where I could not understand any words. And smoked. What a boring book. When it burns, it is much more fun. Maybe if I set fire the letter, he will like it? I did so. But it seemed to me that this is not enough. I decided to burn the curtains and even a bookcase. Flames devoured these horrible boring things piece by piece. Bright and beautiful. It smacked its heat, which I never got from anybody. Hopefully, when he wakes up he would be as warm as me now. He will like it. Then he would exactly understand that I cope with everything myself.