It was a really disgusting day. My soldiers have lost hearts – they haven’t found any forces and energy to cross empty trench line, where only enemy bones could resist. But I understand this mood, because after last attack I withstood the feelings of unprecedented horror. I have rushed to the German positions with my brave Welshmen battalion and suddenly have sensed weakness in my hands and legs. Revolver has nearly felt in a puddle with old skull, whereas my eyes constantly have sought to look away from thin gray line of enemy positions. I legibly remember that I have wanted to give up and run away. On the other hand, my heart has pounded Neapolitan tarantella – wondrous feelings, considering that my soul was ready to descend on the last round of Dante’s Hell.
Perhaps, at that marvelous moment my heart has resembled the figure of Prometheus, whose fate permanently pops up in my febrile mind. In these drenched in blood French fields I have understood the real nature of man: fear is an integral part of human existence; fear is engine of our accomplishments and essence of human history located in a battle with fear and despair.
At the moment of awareness of this «natural» principle some wild gust directed me to enemy’s machine-gun nest. I have overtaken my skirmish line and with all fury, which overwhelmed my soul in these minutes, have pounced on two German soldiers. How did I survive? How did string of bursts not to kill me? It was mystery of this day. The two enemy soldiers were very surprised to see me on the edge of their point: their faces have kept equanimity and Germanic methodology even in the face of death – in that moment I fired three bullets and killed them. I was triumphant as a lion that broke the ridge of antelope. The feeling of calm has embraced my soul - frankly, it was born in residence of scary superiority, in a residence of sin and evil. I became part of universal elusive iniquity again. Sometimes I think that only some indestructible, eternal idea leads us through all vicissitudes of foolish life.
Oh, this absurd world! Beasts and angels fight in our souls, and the name of this battle is «history»…
But we are taking new attacks!
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