Back to Black by Oleksandra Taratunska

Pain, threats, betrayals, anger.

Have you ever regarded these words as synonyms for «love». Love is not only a beautiful feeling that fills in your stomach with a bunch of pink and purple butterflies. Love is strong. However, it can be strong in different ways. Love can inflict such intense pain that leaves you numb to all emotions.

Amy belonged to the vast multitude of desperate souls whose hearts were shattered by love. Never before has she felt so badly. Day after day, she was sitting in a dark room. There was no daylight inside as the panoramic windows, that had faced the beautiful green backyard before, were fully covered with blackout curtains now. All furniture, although there was very little of it, was faded and had a dingy brown colour, as if it had never been properly maintained. Dark patches and corners were shrouded in a deep, shadowy black, amplifying the sense of sorrow.  There was so cold in that dark room that goosebumps covered Amy’s  body from head to toe. However, she wasn’t able to feel it. Either alcohol or broken heart totally deprived her of physical and mental perception. She wasn’t even able to recall how she had got to this condition. Completely lost in that darkness, she was sitting, drinking, smoking all days long…. The smell of cigarette butts, scattered all over the floor, pierced the air throughout the whole room. She knew that there had been an ashtray just on the second shelf of the closet in the opposite corner of the black room. She knew it, but had no strength to get up, so was throwing cigarettes just on the damp wooden floor. Mold on the shabby gray walls, which gathered all shades of brown, green and black, also added a specific odour to the atmosphere. The mould was as colourful as a rainbow, but in its specific, ugly way. 

Bottle after bottle, she was losing herself again. It wasn’t the first time he betrayed her, not even the second one. But strong feelings, residing in her heart, always made her forget and forgive. Used, empty and besotted, she was desperately waiting for him to come and hurt her one more time.