Victoria by Mariia Tymoshchenko

She was staring in a mirror with a dead gaze.

Tired eyes and thin, pale lips made her appear much older. She stopped, as it was 7 am exactly - time to feed the cat. Only she hasn’t seen it from yesterday, which made her a bit concerned.

“Vicks, have you seen the cat?” she said as she entered the kitchen.

“Shelter. It’s in a shelter”

“What?  I’m not following. How did it even end up there!?”

“I took it there,” Vicky said calmly, “I’m leaving. The cat was mine, so I took care of its shelter until I figure out how to take it with me”.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything? Where are you going? To your mom’s? It’s absurd, why can’t I take care of the cat? You hate me so much that you can’t trust me with a cat?”

“No. I’m leaving the country. I will make some money in Czech Republic and then come back. Leaving today at noon”.

“What are you talking about, young lady! You’re 16! What kind of job do you think you’re getting there? No, no! You can’t go! As your legal guardian, I can’t let you”.

“I’m not asking you. Just telling”.

“But why, why would you do this?”

“Why do you even care, grandma! Nobody cares for me here, nobody ever did, except for dad!”

The woman couldn’t gather her thoughts for a moment. At last, she spoke:

“Well, he isn’t with us any more. But you have me, you’re not alone. I love you so much, even if I don’t always know how to show it. Please don’t go”.

“Stop. You never did. I was never good enough for your love, never deserved it. Sorry, it’s too late now”.

The lady gave her granddaughter a judgemental look and left the room. She couldn’t afford to spare any more minutes, since she had to get ready for work.

Her mind was pondering as she went back to staring in the mirror. So many wrinkles were telling her stories and mapping her life, as if a memory was embedded in each of her flaws. Yet she was only 59. She started unwinding her thoughts and self-reflecting. Her lips became even thinner now, as she came to a conclusion that everything might have been her fault. Everyone feared her. Her colleagues at work, children, and now her only granddaughter. In the end, she just couldn’t stand other people’s lack of discipline and always had to give them a push. She stopped, as she couldn’t blame herself for being neither strict nor demanding. It was the only way for her to achieve anything and fight her way through. Coming from a poor family of alcoholics, all odds were against her. Who could have thought that little scared girl will be a school’s headmaster one day. And the woman took pride in her profession, as it was one of not many things she had. Since she lost one of her sons to drug overdose and the second one in the war, she put all her energy into school. Until Victoria ran away from her mother, who abused her. Caring for the granddaughter was the only joy in her life, although her strictness always kept them distant. Most of all, the woman feared loosing her.

She went back to the kitchen, but Vick was no longer there. She’d already gone.