‘If I were a bull, I’d get mad right away,’
I thought as soon as Hannah, buzzing with excitement, dragged me inside the club. Wherever I looked, I saw something ruby, carmine, crimson, scarlet – on the Valentine’s Day, wearing shades of passion was a must. I was not an exception with my red handbag and brightly painted lips. Still, coming here just to celebrate my I-won’t-tell-you-which birthday felt strange. ‘You’ll like it here… sooner or later,’ Hannah chuckled. ‘Try to live a little, birthday girl!’ she winked at me and mingled with the crowd.Hannah was always like that, light-hearted, lively as a little bird and incredibly vibrant. As annoying, she could be, I cherished her like a younger sister and couldn’t bear being angry at her for more than a minute. So, all I did was sigh and let her have fun, finding my way towards the bar.
It was an island of tranquillity in the middle of chaos, so in a minute, as I sat on the purple velvet of the bar stool, shaking my legs and sipping on my Shirley Temple, I felt good enough to take a closer look around. On the left, a group of teenagers was sitting around the table on a black leather couch playing a kissing game; next to them, a young man was just killing time, messaging someone with a goofy smile on his face; and on the right, people were moving chaotically to the deafening techno beats, dancing off their problems for the night. Suddenly, it all felt so fake: gaudy outfits, inviting smiles, synth music and me, so fake happy, choking on the lingering scent of desire filling the air. This was not for me. I was greedy, I was demanding, searching for something bigger that you don’t usually take home after having a few drinks. Something mind-blowing, true, intimate, something worth celebrating every day of the year, even if this world already was out of love… I shook my head, stopping my thoughts right there. I’d better go find Hannah.
I held my breath and dove headfast into the crowd. After getting stepped on my feet, knocked with sharp elbows and mumbling several sorries, I finally bumped into Hannah on the dancefloor. As soon as she caught me with her small arms, laughing happily, the music changed from wild and excessive to alluring and calm. As a joke, I could seize the moment and whirl Hannah in a slow dance, but instead I got out of her embrace – and immediately lost myself in the quickening rhythm and low rumbling of a bass guitar. There was nothing wrong in dancing alone. With each move, I felt my every muscle slowly warming up and relaxing; all disturbing thoughts disappeared, as my hands flew up and the world started spinning around me, as if I was a supernova in my sparkly black dress, catching the light. On the dancefloor, I couldn’t be more free, more me, and the feeling was just as intoxicating as the alcohol. When the last chord died away, I stopped, still dizzy, trying to catch my breath. To my surprise, people were staring at me with admiration in their shining eyes. Complete strangers gave me a round of applause, someone even tapped me on the shoulder. Overwhelmed with the attention, I held on Hannah’s hand, as she was guiding me through the crowd.
As soon as we sat down at the bar, a tulip champagne glass of some golden sparkling drink with a cherry on the bottom appeared in front of me. “Hey there, that’s on me,” said a man on the left in a deep raspy voice. “You’ve surely got moves. I’m Quinn, by the way.” Extremely handsome in his loose-fit jeans and a trendy shirt, with a leather lace watch on his wrist, that man looked like a dream, but we both knew what he wanted perfectly well.
‘And I’m not here to make… friends,’ I replied, instead of a big fat no. ‘And I don’t even drink alcohol,’ I was still too drunk on music.
‘You’re such a party pooper, Maeve! Don’t be so gloomy for once,’ said Hannah as if she couldn’t take it anymore and winked at Quinn shamelessly. ‘Hi, handsome, I’m Hannah. And I’m totally up for some fun!’
The man raised his eyebrow sceptically and cast an appraising glance on my best friend. “Fine,” he said, standing up. ‘Let’s go, beautiful.’ He fell out of love for me so soon I almost laughed.
A few minutes later, I saw them passionately kissing on the couch. I guess that was my cue. Flushed with dancing, I took the cocktail and drank it absent-mindedly. Sweet as cherry with a distinct citrus note, it was exquisite, but my choice still felt right. And Hannah made hers, I’ll have to check on her later.
* * *
Outside, the crisp night air was exhilarating, and the clear beat was slowly subsiding behind my back, as I walked away from the club. Wrapped in my warm coat, I still felt desirous stares on my skin, so dirty I could wash them away. ‘I wouldn’t relive that for a million dollars!’ I thought, still hoping for something better.
Maybe, I shouldn’t have. A man in a shabby, unbuttoned coat suddenly blocked my way. He came out of nowhere, reeking with alcohol, and pulled on the thin lace of my Staud Scotty bag sharply. Tiny and classy, it cost a fortune, so I went from startled to furious in a flash. I knew my way with fists and heels, so I tried to fight him off with all my strength.
‘Just give it to me!’ shouted that creep.
‘No way in hell!’ I worked more extra shifts to afford it than he could imagine.
‘You don’t understand!’
Oh, I understood very well that neither would he approach another man, nor make demands to him, yet I was able to defend myself. Actually, it was never about the bag, it was about power, which I also held. Fine, and about a Cherry Bomb Fizz going straight to my head. I was wasted and fearless.
‘It’s dangerous!’ I winced at his scream and then froze with my eyes wide open: was he panicking?
At a loss of words, I suddenly heard an odd sound, as if a watch was ticking right in my hands. I decisively opened my bag to see… a watch, somewhat familiar. Phew. But something still seemed off: instead of the usual clock face, this model had a timer, showing 5, 4, 3…
The man grabbed my bag in an instant, threw it as far as he could and pushed me to the ground, shielding me with his body. ‘Why did you?..’ I uttered, before all the sounds, except the increasingly loud ringing in my ears, vanished in the fiery red flash. If I could lip-read, I would know the answer.
Finally, it was, ‘Out of love.’
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