and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. It happened when a police detachment broke into my house where I had successfully producing and selling crystallized methamphetamine in a cellar for seven years, but I'll get back to that.
My first acquaintance with drugs was at the age of 19 after my parents died in a car accident. Being lost, lonely and pitiful I have come into a great deal of money and didn't know any better to go through these dark times than ‘add a little color’ in a grey tombstone called my life.
‘We invite you to experience a sensation of wellbeing that will allow you to disconnect from the world’, dealers so tempting whispered into my ear. So it seemed to me I took the road which takes me to the places where all the pieces of a puzzle are connected. At first, there were the most blissful experiences I have ever had - never-ending sheer joy marijuana gave to me. I got through heavy workloads more easily “on speed”, for example, ecstasy helped me to open up, be honest and true with myself. On heroin I experienced a deeper revelation: ‘you see this is all just dust - we are made of stars!’, I said being revelation in a crack house. From time to time I looked for peace but I couldn't attain what I need for so keep this silly game I played. Heartbreak of losing had replaced by indifference, a silent mouring changed to the loud music and clear laughing of strangers. New fake friends, random sexual encounters and total uncertainty in the face of a future had filled my life, thereby empting my soul and a bank account, to boot. After a few couple of years living this way, results of HIV-test indicated I am positive.
Be honest, it was turning point in my life which returned my desire to live from the time of the death of my parents. I realized with alarm that I did not have money even for food, not to mention expensive antiretroviral therapy. I had no high education, beneficial links and natural abilities. Only thing I took to like a duck to water was drugs.
I started a drug-producing rather successfully. I clearly understood what and how many addicts need, where disseminate, so were in a great demand. From year to year, things were going well, until I thought ‘There is nothing evil about warning more money’. Therefore, my ‘product’ became diluted until one day I’ve made a fatal mistake mixed up a proper proportion. Seventeen persons, who had bought this particular shipment, are dead from an overdose. For the totality of these acts, I am sentenced to death in accordance with criminal laws of the state of Texas.
I have no time for philosophy, but I would like to say. I have experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows and found you really start to appreciate anything only after being at both ends of the spectrum. Now I am halfway in the ground already and I am writing this on the toilet paper in Texas State Penitentiary at Huntsville. The verdict will lead to execution in 15 minutes. I hear them calling…
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