A Moment of Self-disgust by Volodymyr Yurchenko

His body was completely paralysed.
He couldn’t move. Even breathing seemed like an impossible task. Only his eyes were moving from one corner to another, rather rapidly than normal. This state
of his body appeared every time whenever he saw a pigeon. First, his body reacts with thickness in
his throat so it's hard to swallow. Then, his mind is struck with sudden flashback. And every time
his psyche tries to defend his poor soul from another mental breakdown.
This time it was from cartoon, ‘Finding Nemo’, where in one scene pigeons were yelling about something. But it wasn’t the move or its characters that scared him. It was a picture from his childhood. He doesn’t like remembering things, but this flashback hits him like a truck in full speed. A brick. A bird near the wall. Crack. Single tear, then more and more. He could’ve drowned himself in an ocean of his own tears, standing over pigeons crippled body. He can’t remember why he had done that. And when the flashback is over, he stares at the floor, slowly lifting his eyes at the pigeon. ‘He’s not mad’ - as he comforts himself often. ‘He doesn’t even know’ - he turns his back to this pigeon. ‘But what if he?’ - cracking his fingers, trying to comfort himself. And if the pigeon is still looking at him, he quickly goes to the nearest shop and buys some bread. Feeding this animal satisfies his broken, child soul.