and keeping her own secrets, but this particular one got her killed. A terrifying thing, really: you never see it coming. And yet here we are, stuck in our minds, carrying the weight of filthy decisions, failing to stay sane. You must be awfully strong to endure it, otherwise you will end up crashed into pieces.
“Baby, do you have any tissue left?” he whispered quickly and made her flinch. Chloe did not notice how these burden of thoughts make her withdraw into herself.
“Sure, wait a second.” She spent good three minutes in search for a packet of tissues in her purse. “You know what, I must’ve left them at home, sorry. Could I compensate for it with my favourite gum?” She smiled weakly.
Nick sighed and grinned mischievously, “You are my favourite. It’s fine, I’m going to get one anyway. The movie starts in 15 minutes, so we have plenty of time.”
Chloe watched him walk away and glanced uncomfortably at her phone. Should she call her best friend and get a piece of useful advice? She has been wrecking her mind for over months now, but tonight this uneasy nauseating feeling of remorse hit her like never before. Suddenly she felt chills coming down her spine and her vision got significantly darker for a couple of seconds. No, she couldn’t confess tonight, she just couldn’t drop such a bomb on their precious relationship.
She stood up and entered the cinema hall. She hasn’t been here before, and it was just one little uncomfortable thing more to add to the craziness that is her state.
“Hey, Chloe, wait up!” Nick ran towards her. “Sorry, the line at the cashier’s was insane. Shall we?” he pointed at the door with a bottle of fizzy drink in hand.
She grabbed a bottle and continued walking. It was dark already, as the movie had already started, and she got relieved her partner wouldn’t see her anxious face expression.
Within half an hour, there it was again: this distressing feeling of anxiety and dread, she couldn’t shake it, instead she was the one who was trembling.
“Are you cold?” he asked her. He could never not be nice to her, and at this moment it was just unbearable.
Chloe managed to get a fake smile out of herself and stared at him nervously, “I’m good, thanks…”
Then, all of a sudden, it hit her: she wasn’t able to look him directly in the eye without breaking down, or else she would panic and reveal her well-kept secret. She felt sick, she needed to get out of there as soon as possible. She rushed to the restroom, losing it more and more with each second.
Minutes passed, but it felt like day, weeks, the whole eternity. Crying on the bathroom floor, crying over a sink, crying on a stranger’s shoulder. It all felt as a huge illusion that you experience under hypnosis, like it was never real. Unfortunately for her, it was real, even more, it has been her constant state since.
How could she allow herself to become this kind of person who puts their morality on mute? Is being truly dead better than being mentally diseased? She couldn’t know both, but she tasted a bitter pill of the second, and never knew how to come back to regular life.
No comments:
Post a Comment